Yes so sorry haven't updated. Anyway if you happen to stop at the site i suggest you visit Kooze83 on my list and read what he wrote like two days ago. it's so sweet i just have to brag about it on here even though you know it's just a guy bullshitting so he appears sweet lol. Anyway. Lets see well nathan and i have been going bowling at canes lanes every wed. for the past two wed. It's quarter mania! 4 bucks cover charge 50 cents for shoes and 50 cents per game so we've played 4 games and it runs us a total of 6.50 a person which is very good. And I've recently (just tonight) have talked my good friend AMY ! into coming with us on wed because she has a "boring" life. HA! that girl has such an interesting life when she talks to me it's like she's telling me this unreal story that is so freakin interesting...i just can't see it being boring. ANYway.  Just thought i'd put that in there. If anyone else wishes to join please feel free to call or leave a comment i'm sure some of you would like to come so yeah. that's about it i'm done gotta get back to the good ol' hmwk ...oh the joys....

Pan
Nathan

keepin it real in MV

So these past few nights I have been having the most crazy dreams and for the most part they were bad dreams. like people dying and stuff like that but the last like two dreams were kinda ok. Like yesterdays dream I was up at my grandma's and well she past away a few months ago and I was there and I saw her she was there but she wasn't alive she was like a ghost and she was talking to me and making supper for myself and my cousin dalt but he was younger and I didn't see her face but i knew she looked different than from what she was when she was alive and i couldn't believe that she was there so i tried to take pictuers of her w/ my camera phone but that didn't work out to well. But i did get one shot of her on it and showed it to the family and that was pretty much it in that dream.

Then last nights dream started out weird it wasn't about me like i was outside watching all this take place at first. It was in a college and there was a Asian girl looking to find like "the master" or something and these people wouldn't let her. And something about a Vanilla Rootbeer float? Like she would order it and these people would be like "we're out" but they weren't(they worked at some dinner place) so ANYWAY then one day they said they had it and took her down stairs into the basement of this place w/ pipes and stuff like that then they tied her up in this shower thing and just like almost drowned her in tomato stuff and i think she did drown because she like started to take over peoples bodies and that's when i actually came into play like i knew the girl and when some dude came up to me and was talking like her i knew it was her.

So my last dream I did like the most. It was odd though. So I'm in a school searching for something and then next thing i know i'm home with a baby. My parents weren't thrilled about it but you know they love me yada yada yada. but i couldn't understand it because i was on birthcontroll and i had my periods and i didn't get fat in my stomach or anything i just woke up witha  baby. My mom said it happened on the 12th?  But i remembered only up until the 8th of that month and now. So I had this baby girl. I said her name like Elie but when it hought of her name in my dream the name appeard in words as ... Chleie or Cleir and I mean shew as so amazing she always was smiling and she fell asleep no matter how I was holding her and she'd sleep until i'd wake her up to feed her. But like she grew up really fast till she was like 5 or six. It took her like a month to look like she was 5 or 6. And one day my dad my brother and nathan came over they were going to go hunting and apparently his parents sent me a letter telling me how disapointed they were and how never to contact them again. And when nathan came over like i ran to him and stuff and he's like "i can't stay i have to go back home" and i said " you're parents never want to see me or elie do they" and he said something like "well i thought u'd get that by the letter" and I said " nathan please stay" and is tarted crying and hugging him saying " I have elie but I don't have you, I'm nothing if i don't have you. Please stay and be with us." And that's when I woke up.

It was a sad but good dream. I think he stayed.

that's all i'm out.

Pan
Nathan

Right now in my life I am feeling so much frustration and hopelessness that’s why I feel the need to posting this prayer. So that who ever should come across this site may find comfort in its words just as I have.

Prayer in Time of Despair

Heavenly Father,

I know I am close to despair.

I feel so tempted to give up,

To withdraw from life and religion

And let the world simply carry me along.

Everything seems so meaningless and nothing appeals to my better instincts.

Help me to remember that Jesus gave meaning to everything in the world.

Let me bank on that fact

And get over this time of despair,

To really believe in the depths of my being

That there is a reason for living.

Show me the reason for my life

And tell me what I must do.

Bring home to me that I am never alone,

But that you are with me even in the depths of despair.

Remind me that no matter what I may endure now

An unending joy awaits me in the future

If I but cling tightly to you

And your Son Jesus in the unity of the Spirit.

I turned 20 yesterday. From here on every birthday to come will be bitter sweet.

....I'm lost without you. I keep crying.. I miss you so much. I didn't even get to tell you everything and I didn't get to hear all your stories. I know your happier where you are but please don't forget us, we all love so much. I pray you will be with me always.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

1918-2005 (gone but not forgotten)

I'll see you soon...i'll see you soon

Wanna know what i hate? People who think that they are better than other people for one reason or another..... no ones shit smells like roses..no...not even yours. SO GET OVER YOURSELF!

Pan
Nathan